![]() ![]() Led to less confrontation, more open communication, and less defensiveness. Instead of blindly reacting we stopped, thought about a proper way to act, and then implemented that action. More importantly, we created a culture of stop and think before reacting. We created a time and a place to discuss errors and mistakes, instead of immediately calling them out and creating an interruption. Instead of immediately calling them out on mistakes, I would wait until a specific part of the day/week and approach them about their performance. To try something new, I started to keep a list of errors that I noticed throughout the day/week. I knew that my interruptions were hurting their productivity. Every time I sent a message like this, I distracted them from the work that they needed to do. The problem with this is that it would disrupt their day. There was zero latency between noticing an error and pointing it out to them. If I saw that they made errors in a project, I would immediately send them a message or give them a phone call. It caused a lot of disturbance and stress on the team as a whole. When someone annoys you at work, instead of immediately reacting you can write it down and discuss it at a later point in time.įor example, I used to be highly reactive with my employees. Notice when you’re picking up your phone out of habit. OR Before answering the phone, take a deep breath and smile first. For example instead of immediately reacting to a notification on your phone, pause, take a deep breath, and then decide if it’s important or not. Then repeat this process over and over until we establish new ways of responding to difficult situations. We can train ourselves to notice our automatic reactions, pause when they happen, and choose a more appropriate response. We can cultivate an inner-self that remains stable regardless of whatever is happening externally. We can independently choose how we react to situations in life. He realized that we can take back our choice. He was a man in-control of his emotions and thus, his reactions. While we don’t want to strive to be a non-reactive emotionless pimp, we can learn from his ability to remain unflustered. He simply sat there and sipped his drink. A gunshot went straight through his top-hat. One day someone started shooting at a bar. I recently read a book called “Pimp” by Iceberg Slim – hell of a name, right? Know how he came across it? The person who doesn’t react? They’re unfuckwithable. To set the bar on how easy it is to rattle your cage. Now it’s your responsibility to take back the choice of how you want to react. If you can’t control your small reactions, there’s a small chance you’ll be able to control yourself when faced with larger ones. The problem is that while these small reactions/habits seem innocent, they can ripple over and cause gross over-reactivity and mindless decision making in other areas of your life. It became your automatic reaction aka habit. A habit is merely a reaction that happened the same way so many times it became an automation. Now every time the phone rings or has a notification, you immediately pick up the phone to look at it. Then after repeating this habit 10 more times with the same reaction, your brain started to create a script for you to follow. In other words, you don’t have a choice and an automation took its place.įor example the first time a notification came up on your phone you probably wanted to see it, it was interesting. It loves automating certain things so that you don’t have to think about it. The problem with this is that the brain LOVES habits. An ability to choose how we want to react to a given stimuli or situation. If a new email comes in – it doesn’t have to be the first one that you respond to.Ĭan you learn to ignore your phone when it rings? Read a text message and not immediately reply? Reply to your emails based on urgency rather than FIFO? When a text message or notification comes in – you don’t have to pick up your phone to look at it. This means instead of being swayed by the winds of external circumstance, you’re anchored into your own lack of emotional reactivity.įor example, when your cell phone rings – you don’t have to pick it up. To be as Steven Covey says, “Response-able” or “able to control our responses”. Instead, the goal of these practices is to be aware of and in control of your reactions. We don’t want you to stop reacting to things and allow everything to happen, that’s not the aim. The goal here is NOT to become an emotionless robot. Note that this is different than avoidance or non-reactivity. Whether you’re studying Stoicism, Buddhist Meditation, Mindfulness, or simply practicing How to Not Give a Fuck, the underlying principle remains the same – How to become less reactive and more emotionally stable. ![]()
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